Category Archives: Problems and outcomes

Moving though deeply held pain as it arises

the-act-of-1419218_960_720Psychotherapy can be really effective at helping people feel better when painful emotions are at the surface.  But how can it help when the pain is tightly held somewhere deep inside?

Sometimes we are so expert at coping with the pain of our early years that we block it off almost completely.  As a short term coping strategy this can work reasonably well but unresolved it can leave a person feeling numb, detached, but strangely attracted to situations in which there is a risk of that pain being triggered.  When external circumstances do topple us into the pain it can be sudden and scary.  In desperation it is tempting to scramble for distraction (drink, drugs, TV, games, intellectualisation, relationship drama, etc) in the hope that the pain will go away again.  It generally does.  But nothing really changes.  And the same patterns repeat themselves until the pain comes back again.

We can only resolve those things that we allow ourselves to become aware of.  This can sometimes be somewhat intense, a “dark night of the soul”.  If, rather than distracting or avoiding these emotions, one expresses them (moves them out) then this can lead to a much deeper sense of relaxation and embodiedness.

I received the following mail from one of my clients (reproduced here with permission).  I’m so proud of the way they are courageously accepting and moving though the emotions as they arise.

I had another painful night last night – although I did fall asleep earlier, and slept longer, although I woke early.
I’m doing my best to screen out the noisy thoughts – catastrophic and less catastrophic – that crowd in on me. I’m also trying not to pursue thoughts that appear to be life-lines from the pain I am experiencing. Instead, I am attempting to focus on the feelings themselves, in their rawest, most inchoate and uncomfortable form. I’m trying to keep in mind what you said about preparing for the worst – which I understand to mean the worst my emotions can open on to. I also tried last night to release my groans and other expressions of pain in a way that released them up and out, rather than in a foetal position.
Today I feel a bit less raw. My body doesn’t feel quite so flooded with adrenaline (fight or flight), so I’m not feeling inner trembling and complete loss of appetite quite so acutely. *** I am trying to connect as much as I can with my feelings as they arise – not ignoring them, but trying to invite them in and sit with them as much as I can. The desire to clutch at anything that might offer relief from the discomfort is still there. I don’t mean alcohol, or anything like that. Rather, I tend to seek out anyone I can talk to and then talk, and talk, and talk. It can help, in the short term. But this time, I am attempting not to do that so much. Preparing for the worst means going towards to pain, not looking for ways to avoid or defer it.
For now, I am not talking to *** about practicalities in our relationship. That will come in time, if it needs to. The act of opening the hand to allow the butterfly to take wing doesn’t require words. It’s a simple act, isn’t it? I would like to be that open hand, to know exactly what it feels like to take that step, and not to be afraid of the consequences. I realise that I am effectively ‘talking’ now. Yes, but I am also trying, in some way, to write out my feelings.
I have come to *** to try and get some work done. I don’t really care how successful I am, so long as I remain open to the ebb and flow of the emotional tide I am rising on. I hope I can do that, and I hope – at least for now – that it will be enough.

Un-fuck yourself

girl-956683_1920Bad things happen to good people.

To make it worse, when these bad things are happening, the good person can become convinced that it is actually their fault and that they deserved it because they are a bad person.

That’s fucked up.

And it fucks us up. Some people get more fucked up than others, but most of us are at least a little bit fucked up.  That’s normal.

So most of us grow up believing that, deep down inside, we are at least a little bit bad and probably don’t deserve to be happy, healthy, and wealthy.

Who wants to think of themselves like that? Who would want to hang out with us if they realised that we are bad? To avoid self-hatred and loneliness, we do our best to be good.

But that can be really hard work.

And, every now and again, when we are under pressure, we do something bad.  And it hurts someone else. And we either feel guilty for what we have done (painful).  Or we find a way of blaming the other person for the situation (less painful … for us).

And so the fucked up cycle continues.

Until you decide to change it.

Find a good psychotherapist.

Un-fuck yourself.

Hearing voices

It is common for people to talk to themselves or hear seemingly external voices to a certain extent.  Thankfully most of us do not have to go through what Eleanor Longden did.

I wonder if she still hears voices?  At the end of the talk she says “What lies within us can never be truly colonized …”  I’m not exactly sure what she means by this but I see the objective of personal development as colonizing our own bodies as fully as possible.

In order to assist people in more fully inhabiting their own bodies it is necessary to displace any other entities that may have taken up residence there.  To do this I have developed a way of facilitating re-connection (facing towards the source of the voice), de-fusing (taking back what is yours and giving back what is theirs), and separation.  I find that there is rarely (never?) any need for cutting.

Eleanor talks about her voices being companionable.  One of the consequences of separating from entities is that people often have to experience their own feelings of emptiness or loneliness.  This would be the next thing to work through in therapy.

When this process is successful I would expect clients to find that the voice has completely gone, that they feel more fulfilled, and they are more able to bring their full attention to the world around them.

Expressing anger responsibly

For years I experienced high levels of frustration that would manifest itself as body tension and violent fantasies.  In my dream world I would be an avenger inflicting violence on those who deserved it (usually thieves, disrespectful chavs, or litter louts).  In the real world though I was afraid of violence and not sure if it was the fear of being hurt or the fear of the consequences of hurting someone else.

After I trained as a therapist I was comfortable with all emotions except anger and would unconsciously pussy foot around the subject for fear of provoking my clients.  In my training I had been taught very little about the practicalities of working with angry or violent people.

It was not until 2010, on a somewhat esoteric shamanic training, that I learned how to engage with anger directly and work with it effectively.  It was a turning point for my practice and for me.

Now anger is one of the emotions I’m most interested in at the beginning of therapy.  I have a number of ‘anger meditations’.  They are crucial for people who’s anger is very much on the surface and being expressed in ways that are hurting other people or themselves.  They can also be very useful for clients who claim to have no anger in them as often these are the people who are experiencing most frustration.  Anger contains so much energy … and containing it also requires so much energy.  Relieving the pressure inside frees this energy up and transforms frustration into a powerful assertiveness that is especially useful for reconnecting and clearing out connections with others.  I see these relationship connections as the pipes in my plumbing analogy.

This video shows some of the anger meditations that I recommend to my clients for practice both within the therapy room and at home.  The idea is to practice ways of connecting with and moving the anger responsibly – so that you, the objects around you, and the people around you are safe.  The video includes:

  • Punching anger meditation
  • Cushion slamming anger meditation
  • Vocal anger meditation (with the Howl Towel)
  • Silent screaming
  • Throwing anger meditation
  • Tantruming anger meditation

I don’t claim that these meditations will completely resolve any anger issues you may have.  But they should take the pressure out of any frustration and provide a set of safer ways that you can channel your anger as and when it arises.

Working respectfully and appropriately with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transexual, and questioning (LGBTQ) clients

I attended a course on working with LGBTQ clients yesterday. One of the highlights was this thought (and tear) provoking video.

“Teen bulling and teen suicide based on someone’s sexual preference is ridiculous – and this film turns the tables on modern society. What IF the shoe was on the other foot?. ” –K.Rocco Shields (Creator/Director)

I was surprised that from some statistics quoted on the course it seems that the rates of bullying for LGBT identified children are only slightly higher than the average. Perhaps it is bullying in general rather than discrimination that is the real problem?

I am also interested that the creator of this film uses the term ‘sexual preference’. On the course we were introduced to the Ally’s Guide to Terminology and according to this ‘sexual preference’ is a term to be avoided. As is ‘homosexual’ and ‘same sex attraction’. Some good guidance in here but I don’t think I’ll be following it religiously.

Psychotherapy for 2nd generation holocaust survivors

Photograph of Auschwitz

Consider the last time you threw a rock into a calm lake … the ripples from that impact can end up travelling a long way and taking quite a while to settle back down. If they reflect from other objects in the lake then the resulting addition and cancellation of the waves can create patterns that would be difficult to predict.

And so it is with trauma. Complex symptoms can often have simple root causes when you look deep enough. The thing that many people are surprised to find out is that the root cause may not even be in their lifetime. Much of the work I do with people involves healing traumas from their parents’ lives, their parents’ parents lives, or even beyond.

How could something that happened so long ago, and to someone else, possibly be affecting you? The last century of European history certainly contains many situations of almost unimaginable suffering. That anyone could live through those situations without any physical or psychological scars would be surprising.

Consider someone who lived through the holocaust of world war two. If they didn’t see horror directly then chances are they were painfully aware of it. If they survived then they probably knew many other people who didn’t. Their survival may have come as a result of other people’s sacrifices. But they coped. And got through it.

When we experience traumatic situations we often don’t have the luxury of being able to process them at the time. If action is required then better we take it in order to survive. The problem comes if we never take the time to really reflect upon the past and allow the emotions to move through us. The unresolved emotional content stays with us in our body but becomes partitioned off. A psychological no-go zone.

All parent’s unconsciously invest their hopes and dreams in their children. For survivors of a significant traumatic time such as the holocaust then what better evidence of their survival than to bring in a new generation? The children pick up their parents’ attitudes – which will now be coloured by their experiences of scarcity, helplessness, or physical danger. Children realise that there are certain things that trigger their parents to become upset. They may feel responsible for this upset and may even be blamed for it and told off for being ‘bad’. While their physical needs may be being met it may be like they are walking on emotional eggshells.

And eventually they have children of their own. These are usually the clients I see. Clients with anxieties, relationship problems, or psychological blocks that are difficult to pin down as they often can’t point to anything significantly traumatic in their lives. And they are often quick to emphasise that their parents tried their best and did a good job of bringing them up. Despite that they often describe their parental relationship as either ‘very close’ or ‘distant’ … both of which bring their own relationship challenges.

By working back through the generations I can help reconnect both the maternal and paternal family lines. In the client’s imagination I start to open up a channel of honest communication with their mother. As the truth begins to flow then it is likely to bring up unresolved emotional content from the mother’s childhood. I work to reconnect the mother to her mother (alive or dead … it makes no difference as I am working through my client’s imagination). As the truth flows back another generation it starts to nudge on the mum’s mum’s psychological no-go zones. This is where the real healing needs to happen. Mum’s mum gradually remembers the times that she decided to forget. She reconnects with her younger self. She allows the sensations to move through her body and complete.

When the major trauma is healed then mum’s mum is feeling more herself. She is totally available for her daughter. She can take anything her daughter has to throw at her. And then hugs her (usually). Her daughter (my client’s mum) feels safe and grows up. She is less reactive and more available for her partner (my client’s father). Once the father’s side is also clear then any relationship issues can be sorted out and it becomes clear between them. In their imagination my client may see their mum and dad hugging. And then be invited into that loving space between them. In this healing space my client gets what they need. Finally their problems simply melt away.

I am very grateful to a client for providing the following links:
New Israeli study finds signs of trauma in grandchildren of Holocaust survivors
The impact of the holocaust on survivors and their children

Conquering your fear of heights

Acrophobia is an extreme or unnatural fear of heights.  This is not to be confused with vertigo which is actually a sub-type of dizziness and describes a whirling movement.

Is it natural to have a fear of heights?

Most of us are energised when we are in a high place with little protection.  Perhaps this is, in some way, a natural fear?  Perhaps it is in our genes?  Scientists have done experiments with children in which they are invited to crawl across a sheet of glass called a ‘visual cliff’ with a drop below.  As one might expect the babies show a degree of caution when venturing across.  That said, it appears that one can become quite at home on a rock face, or other high place.

Do I have a phobia of heights?

A natural fear of heights could be considered a phobia when it begins to interfere with normal activities such as going to work in a high rise office, or climbing a ladder.  (Of course, some people have more challenging work conditions than others.)

I believe phobias are created by a significant emotional event in which you are frightened out of your skin.  The frightened you gets locked in time and the dominant you becomes frightened of the fear itself.  The sudden nature of the fear can make a phobia quite tricky to budge with will power alone.  Luckily they can usually be treated quite successfully using a variety of techniques by a therapist such as myself.

How can I improve my head for heights?

If you reckon you’ve got a reasonable head for heights then I challenge you to watch the following video and notice if any emotions arise for you.

If you do feel any sensations then rather than looking away or contracting around them I would suggest that you:

  • Continue to watch
  • Relax your body
  • Breathe deeply
  • Breathe into the part of your body that is tense (probably your stomach)
  • Make noises on your out-breath (sighs, groans, etc)

This exercise will trigger and move any trapped energy and allow you to become even more centred.  Good luck!

If you are looking for a psychotherapist in East London and found this post interesting or useful then please press one of the buttons below:

Completing abortion – acknowledging, mourning, letting go

Having an abortion is choosing to kill the child within.  For many women an abortion is, understandably, a procedure that they would prefer not to think too deeply about.  The consequence of this is that they let go of the physical body of the foetus but retain the spiritual connection with their unborn child.  This unprocessed loss causes an emotional tug that affects their relationship with others – particularly any children than come later.

My therapeutic approach coaches women (and men) to acknowledge their unborn child, reconnect with it emotionally and, finally, to separate fully from it.  This process can bring unexpectedly large amounts of guilt and grief to the surface for resolution.  When complete it leaves the parent feeling relaxed, grounded, and full of love.

Vanishing twin syndrome (VTS)

I found this article on  It gives a great overview of what I believe could well be a very pervasive issue:

In recent years. enhanced use of ultrasound early in pregnancy has increased the frequency of diagnosis of twin pregnancy. and unfortunately. has produced a heightened awareness of the phenomenon of Vanishing Twin Syndrome (VTS).

Here are the answers to some questions that about this condition.

What is Vanishing Twin Syndrome?

Vanishing Twin Syndrome occurs when one of a set of twin fetuses apparently disappears from the womb during pregnancy. usually resulting in a normal singleton pregnancy.

What really happens?

One of the fetuses in a twin pregnancy spontaneously aborts. usually during the first trimester; the fetal tissue is absorbed by the other twin. the placenta. or the mother. thus giving the appearance that the twin “vanished.”

How is it diagnosed?

Here’s a typical scenario: A mother undergoes a routine ultrasound early in her pregnancy. for example at six or seven weeks gestation. Two fetuses are detected. The mother is told she is having twins. When the mother returns to the doctor six weeks later. only one heartbeat can be heard with a Doppler scan (This is a scan designed to measure blood flow; it can be done to see if your placenta is working normally.) Another ultrasound is performed. Only one fetus is identified.

In other cases. a pregnant mother experiences symptoms that would seem to mimic miscarriage; however the single baby in her womb remains unaffected.

How often does it happen?

Scientists have confirmed that the number of twin conceptions greatly outnumbers the number of actual twin births. Some estimates offer that 1 in 8 people started life as a twin. while in reality only 1 in 70 actually are a twin. In “Having Twins.” author Elizabeth Noble claims that 80% of twin pregnancies result in the loss of one or both babies. Other studies predict that Vanishing Twin Syndrome occurs in 21 – 30% of all multiple pregnancies in the United States and a recent study in the UK estimated that 1 in 20 of us were once a pair of twins . It is estimated that Vanishing Twin Syndrome will play a role in 50% of assisted ovulation pregnancies. It is estimated that of the 133 million people born in the world in the year 2000. at least 7 million should have had a twin.

Why is it happening more frequently?

Although it would seem that incidences of Vanishing Twin Syndrome are increasing with alarming frequency. it is simply that the detection of the phenomenon has increased. Advancements in ultrasound technology allow modern doctors (and parents) the exciting opportunity to peek into the womb. As more doctors routinely use ultrasound in the first trimester. more multiple pregnancies are identified. And a certain percentage of those will be affected by Vanishing Twin Syndrome. In the past. many women experienced VTS without ever knowing it.

What causes it?

Just as there is no clear attributable cause for most miscarriages. there aren’t always reasons or explanations for the loss of a fetus in a multiple pregnancy. In some cases. the fetus is unviable due to chromosomal or placental abnormalities. Some studies suggest that because these abnormalities are more common in older women. Vanishing Twin Syndrome occurs more often in mothers of advanced age. Vanishing Twin Syndrome occurs with equal frequency in monozygotic and dizygotic twins. although the complications of sharing a placenta between monochorionic monozygotic twins may contribute to the condition.

What are the symptoms?

There might not be any symptoms. However. some mothers experience some mild cramping. bleeding or pelvic discomfort. similar to miscarriage. Decreasing hormone levels may also indicate that one fetus has been reabsorbed.

What is the treatment?

Generally. neither the mother nor the remaining fetus will require any kind of medical treatment. When VTS occurs in the first trimester. the mother usually goes on to experience a normal pregnancy and delivers a healthy singleton. However. in situations where a fetus dies in the second or third trimester. the mother may experience pre-term labour. infection or haemoragging. In those cases. doctors will prescribe treatment appropriate for those conditions.

What are the ramifications for the mother?

Physically. none. But emotionally. the mother may be feeling an awkward combination of grief over the loss of one baby and relief for the viability of the surviving baby. It is important for the parents to grieve in a way that feels appropriate. acknowledging the loss of a child as well as the loss of their identity as parents of multiples.

What are the ramifications for the surviving twin?

In most cases of first trimester Vanishing Twin Syndrome. there is no physical impact on the surviving twin. A healthy womb experience followed by a normal delivery should be expected. A late pregnancy occurrence of VTS does have some implications for the surviving fetus. just as for the mother. Occasionally. remnants of the re-absorbed fetus are found in the survivor. in the form of a tertoma tumor containing bone. hair. teeth or tissue fragments. Researchers have found that after 20 weeks. the surviving fetus has an increased risk of cerebral palsy. And asynchronous death may also be a risk if the twins are monozygous and sharing a vascular connection.

There is a great deal of speculation about the psychological and emotional impact of Vanishing Twin Syndrome. Some survivors report feelings of longing. guilt. or grief or problems with relationships or sexuality.

What happens when the twin doesn’t really vanish?

Sometimes. remnants of the unviable fetus are found in the mother. placenta or surviving twin. This is most likely to occur during the second or third trimester. Although usually the fetus will be partially re-sorbed and retained. the death of one twin at around 15 – 20 weeks may result in a fetus papyraceous. a tiny paper-like. flattened fetal remnant. A tertoma tumor containing bone. hair. teeth or tissue fragments is also an indication of a Vanishing Twin.

I’m managing to do more work than my team

Do you manage a team of people?  Are you sometimes frustrated at a lack of motivation or performance?  Do you end up doing most of the important things yourself?  Would you like to understand more and help the team to work at its full potential?

Leading a team of people can be difficult and stressful.  Trying to make people do what you want can be met with resistance and many find it difficult to know how much control to let go of.  Leaders can experience anxiety and team members can feel as if they are not understood or supported.

An effective team starts with an authentic and charismatic leader who knows the direction they want to go in.  Developing this sense of direction and becoming comfortable and confident in yourself will help you to influence those around you. When you have learned coaching skills you will be more able to develop and utilise the natural strengths and motivations of your team.  You can help your team to become inspired, happy, self-regulating and achieve significant performance improvements.


My job it too stressful

Do you have a stressful job?  Do you find that your stress levels sometimes hinder your performance?  Are you concerned that this stress could become a risk to your health?

Stress is caused when we inhibit the body’s ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ reaction to what it perceives as danger.  The stress is caused by the action of opposite forces in ourselves.  For example: we want to run away but we are afraid of making things worse; we want to punch our boss but we are afraid of disciplinary action; we want to curl up in the corner of the meeting but we are afraid of being ridiculed.  The stress results in increased levels of physical and mental readiness while shutting down nonessential systems.  Prolonged periods of excitation can lead to exhaustion and many physical issues including suppression of the immune system, ulcers and a lack of sex drive.

Once you have realised when and how you create your own stress or take it on from others you can take responsibility for making some changes.  These may include changing your attitude to your work, the way you create and enforce boundaries with your co-workers, your emotional reactions to certain situations and learning simple and effective techniques to increase your levels of relaxation.  Rather than managing the stress you may find that it simply disappears or transforms into something else like excitement.  Some clients do end up changing their job but I recommend getting all the learnings from this one first so you are positively choosing something new rather than being forced out of the existing situation.

I’m procrastinating my life away

Do you always put things off until the last minute or try to avoid doing them at all?  Do you have lots of things to do but no motivation to get on and do them?  Are you feeling guilty about it or punishing yourself for your laziness?

We put things off because we feel like it.  Strong motivation can help us to do the things that we don’t really want to do – to push through barriers and get what we want.  This may be successful, we may have used this strategy for years, but it does sound like hard work!  Wouldn’t it be better if you could achieve great things without it feeling like a great effort?  Or are the only things that are worth having those that you have worked hard for (this is a common limiting belief!)?  Is it OK for you to feel happy and satisfied right now?

We will work together to understand exactly how you are not being productive.  Rather than pushing through or breaking down your barriers you will learn from and transform them and gain access to what is on the other side.  As you realise how you were blocking yourself then the energy that was blocking you becomes available to you to use productively.  Getting on with doing becomes natural and fulfilling.


I’m trapped in my work

Do you feel trapped or unfulfilled at work?  Know you have untapped potential?  Realise that things will get worse if you don’t make some changes now?

Work to live or live to work?  People perform at their best when they are doing a job which satisfies their values and plays to their individual strengths.  Gaining more job satisfaction may involve making changes to yourself, your current role or a complete change in direction.

Laying out life directions and turning points in space can give a unique perspective on how your life is evolving.  Examining your career values, natural role preferences and life themes can help you develop an understanding of yourself and identify what it is to be ‘on-purpose’.  When you know where you are going you can take action to get there – transforming barriers along the way, achieving success and experiencing fulfilment.

Daddy or chips?

Are you finding it difficult to make a decision?  Torn between different courses of action or knotted up inside?  Does your inability to make a congruent choice prevent you from moving on with your life?

Decisions can involve weighing up many factors and it can be difficult to know which are the most important to you.  Seemingly conflicting priorities can make us feel like we are in 2 minds: flipping from one viewpoint to the other and arguing from their different and irreconcilable perspectives. We either keep on changing our decision or simply feel stuck.

Eliciting and prioritising your values can reduce a complex evaluation into manageable chunks.  Conflicts can often be simplified and reduced to a desire on one hand, balanced by a fear on the other with this conflict having a pervasive effect on life.  By exploring the conflict and re-acquainting the hands massive energetic shifts are often possible.  The choice may no longer seem so urgent or new and innovative options may come to mind as new directions present themselves.

Oh, and why the title?  Check out this video of a little girl making a difficult decision:

Psychotherapy for public speaking

Do you clam up when it comes to talking in front of people?  Do your nerves prevent you from thinking clearly and acting confidently when you need to?  Would you be more successful if you were able to be more relaxed and confident?

Stage fright and examination nerves are examples of stress reactions.  Stress can help us to perform at our best but too much of it prevents us from thinking or communicating clearly.  These reactions can be a phobic type response to very specific triggers or be an example of a more general fear of being ‘seen’ or judged.  For some they may even be protecting from the unwanted consequences of being successful.

Working effectively with these issues requires more than just covering them up by acting confident – this could come across as a flimsy arrogance and may break down after a while.  True mastery will allow you to accept yourself and open up to others.  What used to feel stressful can then be an exciting opportunity to help others understand your point of view, to invite them to change their minds, to be inspired by your passion, and to be motivated to take action.

Blurb for search engine optimisation: if public speaking is an issue then the techniques of nlp in east london can take the edge off it.  To really get to the roots of examination nerves a combination of psychotherapy in east london and hypnotherapy in east london may be able to provide the answers you have been looking for.  Before long you may even be enjoying communicating your ideas.

Psychotherapy for sexual issues

Do you want to be able to relax and let go in bed?  Do you want to experience more or better orgasms?  Want to learn to help your partner to experience more pleasure?

Sex is one of are most basic and natural instinctive acts – a joining at the physical, emotional and spiritual levels.  Many things can prevent us from sharing this connection: guilt, fear, self-image issues, inhibitions, childhood trauma, performance anxiety, lack of sex drive, sexual incompatibility and the like.  A sexual problem can often have it’s roots in other aspects of our life.

Working as a single or a couple you will learn to be open and honest about the way that you feel.  You will explore what you would like sex to be like and what needs to change in order to experience it.  Change work may include releasing energy blocks in the body, emotions and deciding to live by new values.  Practical assignments will help you to rediscover your sexual self and each other. All clients are encouraged to read my book ‘Sex in Mind’.

Working as a psychotherapist it is against my ethics to engage in any sexual contact with clients.  That means that sessions on sexual issues will involve no physical touch.  If you are interested in sex therapy in which touch is included I recommend you seek out a ‘Daka’ or ‘Dakini’.  These are therapists – often with a strong interest in tantra – who are trained to work more intimately than my ethics allow.

Blurb for search engine optimisation: if you are experiencing sexual issues then an nlp master practitioner in east london is a good place to consider finding help.  As these issues are largely unconscious sensitive use of hypnotherapy in east london can go to a depth that simply talking about the issue cannot.  If a psychotherapist in east london isn’t what you are looking for then a daka or dakini may be the answer.

Psychotherapy for relationships

Problems in the family or primary relationship?  Are you hurt by or hurting the people you love most?  Are the relationships worth saving?

When we are close to people we tend to hold back less and say things in the heat of the moment.  We often assume that we know what people are thinking and interpret their behaviour in one way when their actual intention may be completely different.  Eventually the very sight or thought of someone can trigger negative emotions from the past – creating new problems now.

The change process will help you to be honest with each other about the way things are now and develop a shared sense of what you would like your relationship to be like in the future.  You may have some individual ‘stuff’ to work on before you can regain your sense of connection, appreciate the best in each other and choose how you would like to continue.

I believe it is best but not essential for all parties involved to decide to work through things together.  I never see people who have been ‘sent’ to me.

Blurb for search engine optimisation: if you are looking for a relationship counsellor then a psychotherapist in east london may be a good solution.  Hypnotherapy in east london is just one of the approaches that a highly trained master practitioner of nlp in east london can bring into the room.

I keep attracting the wrong kind of relationships, can a psychotherapist help?

Do you feel unable to find that special someone?  Do you consistently seem to attract the ‘wrong’ type of person?  Do you find yourself putting on an act when you talk to a potential partner?

It is easy to blame external factors for a lack of suitable partner; the first step is to take responsibility for the situation.  Unresolved issues and the beliefs we hold lead us to unconsciously seek out relationships which support or fuel them.  In particular we are likely to continually attract relationships that play out aspects of our parents’ relationship.  If we do not genuinely love and respect ourselves we send out the message that we are not deserving of these feelings back.  When we try to cover up our insecurities we can come across as arrogant or superficial.

Gaining a real understanding of what is important to you will help you to let go of any fears and limiting beliefs and focus on what you really want in a relationship.  Realising what is attractive about yourself will help others to see this in you.  You can begin to enjoy going out there, meeting new people, being natural, friendly and flirtatious.


Search engine blurb: for help with relationships you could contact a psychotherapist in east london, an nlp practitioner in east london, or a hypnotherapist in east london.  NLP is just a label for a set of tools and techniques, many of which use hypnosis approaches to supporting your change.  Psychotherpy is the name given to the provision of this support by a qualified psychotherapist. 

Can NLP help with my physical illness?

Are you suffering from an injury or dis-ease of some sort?  Have you found that ‘conventional’ medicine has not achieved the results you desire (or has unwelcome side effects)?  Are you keen to learn to utilise your mind to accelerate the healing process?

The existence of psychosomatic illnesses and the placebo effect are well documented. Controversial cutting-edge research is making explicit links between unexpected traumatic emotional events and the existence of cancer in the body.  Quantum level theories are beginning to describe the link between thought and matter.  We are being challenged to think about wellness in a new and holistic way.

Releasing negative emotions and any limiting beliefs about your dis-ease will enable you to relax more fully and allow the natural healing process to take it’s course.  This healing may be accelerated by helping your mind to concentrate your energy on making you well again.

I recommend that you consult your GP first if you feel unwell.  If you are currently under treatment I may require a letter of consent from your GP before we start working together.