I start from the position that, at the highest level, the truth is that you are good and life is beautiful. To the extent that you are not experiencing this in your day to day life then you must be experiencing some kind of distorted view of the world: you are confused about reality.
The state of confusion has come to mean to be bewildered or perplexed. Ask someone their opinion when they are confused and they are likely to tell you that they ‘don’t know’. When you are confused it is difficult to know what you want, let alone how to get it.
The original meaning of confusion is to be mingled together. I hypothesize that all distortion and suffering is due to the mingling of our energy with the energy of others. We are thinking other people’s thoughts or feeling other people’s feelings. Ever heard yourself saying ‘I am feeling for him …’ or ‘he is making me feel …’? In these situations you are inviting his feelings in or he is forcing them in to you. It gives a sense of connection with the other that could feel pleasant (romantic love) or painful depending on who is feeling what for whom. If it feels pleasant we will probably engineer our actions to try to keep things as they are; if it feels painful we will try to reduce that pain either by changing the dynamic or to coping with the way things are.
All too often it seems easier to cope with a thing rather than to try to change it. Perhaps changing it would require some kind of confrontation that would take you out of your comfort zone and into the unknown? Perhaps you believe that the other person is more powerful than you and that you are, therefore, not able to change the way things are? Perhaps it has never even occurred to you that change is possible? So, what do you do? If you have a problem with someone you could just avoid them. You could cut them off. You could distract your self with something or somebody new. You could pretend to yourself and everybody else that the problem is not there.
Avoiding is just that: putting something into a void. When you successfully avoid something you put a NO around the THING that is being avoided. You cover it with negativity … with anti-matter. ‘What’s wrong?‘ ‘Nothing.‘ And from the outside that is true. What you have created is an emotional black hole. What’s inside the black hole? From the outside it is impossible to know. It contains the UN-known. It contains what you decided to avoid. It contains what you are afraid of. Black holes are scary places that we avoid at all costs.
But every now and again something will trigger the problem and bring it, once again, to the surface. You see a spider; you are asked to present to a group; you encounter a difficult person. Suddenly you are overwhelmed by the emotion that you had avoided, you are out of control, you are reacting not responding.
Even if you are aware that you are over-reacting you may not know why. So, what do you do? Avoid these people and situations? Stop going out? Get ill? Stay in bed? Will that work? How long for? Eventually things may get so bad that you are finally ready to confront them. Time to call the psychic plumber.
What I do
In sessions I work with clients to identify and separate from any metaphorical thing that doesn’t belong to or serve them. These can be inside the body such as other people’s emotions and beliefs (usually mixed up with their own), racing thoughts in the head or anxious knots in the stomach; or outside such as black clouds above, constrictive bands around or heavy weights across the shoulders. The complement to this is the work to reconcile and re-unite those aspects of a client that have become separate. These too can be inside the body such as bottled up emotions or the contents of boredom, emptiness or emotional black holes (repression); or outside such as what we consistently attract or provoke in others (our projections), external defenses that we have become trapped within such as bubbles and shields, and stuck observing positions (self-consciousness / dissociation).
As you come back to yourself you become more healthy, confident, effective and attractive because there is more of you living life in the here and now.
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